Episode7: Overwhelmed? 3 Easy Steps to get Some Relief...

The Problem of Overwhelm

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And trust me when I say I know what it's like to make your own life difficult. Does your life feel like Groundhog Day on repeat? Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane Podcast. Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane. So today's going to be a subject that we're all very familiar with, and that is the idea of getting completely overwhelmed at times. And then today's are there some techniques that would help in possibly fixing it or making it better? So I'll start with a question. And the question is, how often do you wake up at 1 a.m. and you find yourself staring at the ceiling or you're replaying a conversation from some time in the past? Maybe you've got a knot in your stomach because of the presentation you have to give in three days. A lot of us sit there and we figure financial numbers or bonuses or whatever it may be. And I go through all these worst-case scenarios. So there's so much, so many things that we can ruminate on. It's exhausting. But for me, what I've found is overwhelm doesn't really stem from things happening to me. I create it on my own. And for me, realizing this has been freeing because I realize I have more control over how I'm feeling inside than I used to think when I thought that the all the outside influences are what dictated it. So I'm hopeful as we talk through this, that by applying a couple techniques, maybe you'll feel like you you get some control back yourself and you don't feel like you're just pulled along the overwhelm train wherever it goes. So I think the big thing is the overthinking or ruminating, as I keep saying, is the devil. It's such a blind spot for many of us. And we work on autopilot and we create all this stress and overwhelm, and we're not even aware that it's happening. So I do think there are some ways to increase awareness overall. Um, and by doing so, you end up in a position to where you become overwhelmed far less.

Technique 1: Catch Yourself in the Spiral

SPEAKER_00 2:18

So let's talk about the first technique. And this first move isn't complicated, but it could change everything. And it comes back to we have to catch ourselves while we're in that cycle. So a lot of the times we're five minutes into the spiral before we even notice that we're in one. So if we practice a simple check-in, anytime we have certain things that trigger us. So I'll tell you mine. If I get a tight chest, if my thoughts end up racing and getting getting really quick, I know it's time to ask myself the question. And the question that's asked is Am I truly facing a problem in this moment? It's a million-dollar question, because the answer is almost always no. If we go back 2,000 years to the day of the cavemen, you know, they're getting, they're getting chased by saber-toothed tigers. Maybe it's more than 2,000 years ago. But the the answer is yes, right? You have an immediate danger. But you'll find the things that keep you up at night. If you're like me, you're gonna find that most of those things are not problems that are directly in front of you. So when you realize that, you're in a position to where um you realize a lot of the times they're either upcoming events or they're challenges or they're even manufactured ones that'll never come true. There's the old saying that 100% of what we worry about, about 80% of it happens. Excuse me, about 80% of it doesn't happen. So um, it's one of those things where overthinking is a very common thing and has been for a long time. But an example of something that's not immediately in front of us. We're laying in bed and we're stressing about the dentist appointment that's two days away. You know, will I need a root canal? Are they gonna have me, you know, try to get a crown? What will that cost? Like there's no problem tonight. This is this is, you know, Tuesday at one in the morning and my appointment's not till Thursday at four. You know, I've got a speech in two weeks, you know, shouldn't impact my sleep tonight. So if if you're a leader or an employer, maybe it's a courageous conversation or a parent and you're gonna have a courageous conversation with an employee or your spouse, or maybe that's gonna, you know, be in a position to where you're having it with one of your children. You know, again, all important things, but none of those are immediate problems. So for me, when I can say, no, I don't have a real problem that's facing me at this moment, I suddenly feel myself relax. It's a it's a huge step. What's interesting is if you look into it, there's actually research behind it. And the researchers who study this, they call it thought monitoring. And it's one of the most consistent findings in cognitive therapy. And the reason is we can't interrupt a pattern if we don't notice that we're in it. So the naming of the pattern, just because we realize it's there, that doesn't stop it by itself. But what it does is it opens a door and all of a sudden it gives you a chance to crush the pattern that you usually run on. And that's a powerful thing. So it would be really nice to just tell ourselves to stop thinking really about all the things that we that we constantly think about. But you and I both know that doesn't work, right? The harder we push a thought away, the harder it pushes back on us. So then the question becomes what's the strategy for that?

Technique 2: Schedule Your Worries

SPEAKER_00 5:39

So if you can give ruminating or overthinking a designated time slot, so pick a window, you pick it, but maybe it's 15 or 20 minutes, maybe it's the same time every day. Like I might may pick a 9 p.m. shower every night to do this in. But outside of that time frame from 9 to 9.15, if a worry shows up outside of that window, I'm gonna treat it almost like almost like it's a person, which sounds weird. But I'm gonna say, look, I'm not, I'm not entertaining you right now. Uh you fit tonight at nine o'clock. We're gonna, I'm gonna give you 15 minutes and and think through this. I'm not doing it right now. So all of a sudden, I will come back to that at nine o'clock when I take a shower. But what's interesting is when the nine o'clock shower comes, a lot of the times, you know, once a whole day has gone by, the things that have crossed our minds that we think are are super important, something really funny happens. And that is by the time we get to our set time, over half the major things that we were concerned about, we can't even remember anymore. So they lose their grip on us. It's amazing how right now they feel so important, but even 12 hours later, you can't recall what they were. So this is a real technique, and it's used again in cognitive and behavioral therapy. And it's called worry postponement. And this may sound like it's completely off the wall, but the rumination doesn't need to be eliminated to lose its grip. It just needs to have its own space, like we're talking about. Once your mind trusts that the worry is going to get its turn, it stops interrupting everything else to make sure that we don't forget. So it doesn't have to constantly tap you and say, hey, don't forget to worry about this. Don't forget to worry about this. Instead, it knows, oh yeah, we deal with that tonight at nine o'clock. Try it. I think you'll be surprised.

Technique 3: The Three-Option Test

SPEAKER_00 7:31

The last thing, and the one that for me personally has been the most powerful, is a mantra that I want to touch on. And it's been transfer transformational in my own life. And it was advice I received many years ago about to about specifically how to change your perspective in an instant. And it's for every situation that you're involved in that you are either stressed or you're not excited about what the possible outcome is going to be. So I call it the three option test. So it's three basic questions you're gonna ask yourself. So the first one you're gonna ask yourself when you get in a situation is can I remove myself from the situation? So is this something that I can decide to not participate in, either physically or emotionally? So an example of that would be, let's say you've got a toxic boss at work. Uh, a lot of the times we default to the fact that if it's work-related, we're stuck, but that's not necessarily true. If it's gotten bad enough, we may have to polish off the resume and go somewhere where where we feel like we are appreciated. And it might be time to move on. Uh, a second question, once you've answered that first one, if that first one answer is no, the second one is can I change the situation? So is this something I have control over, the details? And if I take a specific action, I'm gonna be able to create a different outcome and feel better. So, very simple again. Let's let's use uh a messy house. You've allowed your house to become a total disaster and you're stressed about it. Well, when you ask yourself that question, you know it's well within your control to take a day or two, and you can actually fix the problem and alleviate the stress. So if the first two questions, though, you get nos back, then it comes to the last one. And the last one is am I forced to accept this? And if so, you end up in a position where you can't avoid the situation, you can't leave it, there's no way to fix it or make it better. So now you're in a place where you just have to accept things as they are and decide what your best course action is forward. So uh another example, perfect one for this would be you're running late to work already, you're super stressed. You get out on the interstate and it is bumper to bumper. So you're gonna end up being later. And the question becomes, what can you do? And the answer is nothing. So it sounds simplistic, but why stress? Because there's not a thing that you can do at this point. So to summarize, these are the steps. You're gonna say, Can I leave the situation? If it's yes, you've got your answer. Can I change or modify the situation? Again, if it's yes, take the best course of action that you think gets you the outcome that you're looking for. If it's neither of those, though, and you find you're in a position where you must fully accept the situation, you almost want to decide that the outcome is what you chose. So instead of fighting and resisting life, you end up in a position to where you say, that's okay, and and I I'm gonna take on this challenge and it's gonna be fine. And then that way you're in a position to where um you're not resisting life when it's presented to us in a way that's not how we want it.

Wrap-Up

SPEAKER_00 10:51

You know, when you do that and you can find peace when things are not going right. And I know that's the challenge for all of us, right? I mean, it's a challenge every day for me, but you feel so liberated when you take control back. So do me a favor, just try these things, leave a comment, tell me what works, what doesn't work. But they've certainly helped me, and I really hope that they help you as well. So thanks for taking the last 10 minutes and joining me. Look forward to catching you next time.